Hello,
Back in July, Corning provided us with 3 days of cultural training to prepare us for this big move. Although much of it was geared toward Robin and doing business in Japan, a lot of it was certainly applicable to me. Everyone we met, from the admissions director of the boys' school to the cultural trainers to many friends back in the States would look at me and ask, "But what are YOU going to do??" Those of you who did ask that question probably remember me replying with a flip answer about relaxing, or getting pedicures or taking art lessons, or whatever. There is no end of opportunity here- today I just got back from a 9th and 10th grade parent PTA meeting, which was OK- but not really my thing. I've been to several coffees, been invited to a Corning "Ladies Luncheon" and other women's groups that are very supportive of the Tokyo community through fund raising for various causes. One must be careful not to get over extended here.
The cultural trainers all talk about, diagram, and describe in great detail something called the "Cultural Adjustment Process."
Here's a quote from a page with the sine wave like emotional roller coaster chart:
"Since Culture Shock is a sign that the expatriate is beginning to let go of home culture and engage with the new culture, the appropriate response is not to try to eliminate the culture shock but rather to try to manage the stress it causes."
So this morning when I woke up, I had been having the most wonderful dream. (the first happy one that I can remember since coming over here- the others have been disturbing) I was in a room with all my cats and dogs who were crazy happy to see me. Even as I type this I am getting all emotional, because I miss them terribly. I know in my head that I am being ridiculous, because they are all in GREAT places- (thanks to Brenda, Mom and Anne!) but I see my irrational outbursts of tears as a sign that yes, indeed I am on the first downward dip of the "adjustment process." Another sign is that at the PTA coffee this morning, when a friendly woman who had just introduced herself to me asked me, "So how are you??" I burst into tears AGAIN. It wasn't one of those questions that was the polite inquiry, she looked me in the eyes and really ASKED me. It took me a couple of minutes to compose myself and she said knowingly, "You'd better be with me." We sat in groups and chatted. There are lots of kids apparently who are in the 10th grade with Matt who are also going through the downs and ups, but I never see any Moms acting kooky like I do. (mortification!) Everyone understands. That's helpful anyhow. The woman's name is Karen and she invited me to her home for lunch, and as I was with my friend Terry, she came along too. This woman could have told me to book a ticket to New Zealand, and I would have run right out and done it, such was my state of mind. Karen's house is an art gallery. She deals in paintings- and every inch of her walls were covered with fantastic new art. You can view her collection by going to: www.toriizakaart.com. She has a marvelous collection, but we couldn't stay long. It was just really kind of her to be so friendly and reassuring. Terry and I hoofed it back to our subway line in a hurry, as she needed to get home to meet a delivery. I decided to stop at the store on the way home to pick up some things for supper and got through the line at the store only to discover that I didn't have enough cash in my wallet. *****( MORE MORTIFICATION!) I explained that I didn't have enough cash by holding out what I had, blushed an unnatural shade of purple and ran out of the store telling them I'd be right back. (Did the checkout girl understand? We don't know.) I was instantly transported in my mind to the ShurSave where sits my own personal CFCU cash machine, and kindly people who know me and speak my language. (I once filled up my gas tank and forgot to pay. The next day Brent called me on the phone, spoke to me by name and reminded me of what I had done- I ran over, paid for my gas, apologized profusely and we all had a good laugh.) No so the Japanese. Appearances are everything. I had shamed myself. I had seen the way the Japanese women behind me in line were looking at me. While I was making my frantic way to the cash machine in the station, I started to see the humorous side of what I had done. Looked ridiculous -who cares? Nobody knows me. They expect gaijin to make blunders of all kinds. Done something not to proper procedure- it's good to shake up their predictable world! Turns out she had understood at least a little, because my basket of groceries was on the floor behind her, waiting for my return.
How did I get from cultural adjustment to cats and dogs and crying uncontrollably to being ridiculous? It's all part of the stress that everyone tells you about before you come over, the stress the quote tells you that you have to learn how to manage, but you just can't understand it until you are living here day by day. Things that are easy at home are hard here. At first, it's FUN! Wow! Look at all this unrecognizable food! Let's look at a MAP! It's FUN to figure out how to get places! Walking home with groceries every day? New! Fun! And good for cardio health! Yesterday I missed out on a luncheon because I couldn't get the computer to print out a map to the place to meet, and by the time I was ready to go, it was too late. I would have been too late. Today, what I really wanted was my car, the ShurSave and a bag of oreos. I wanted to feel like the competent, functioning, professional individual that I know I am, or was, at home. (I kind of like that about me.)
So for those of you who have been reading about our fairly tame adventures so far in Japan, I apologize for sending something not-so-happy. I told myself I wouldn't gripe out loud, but this is all a part of "the experience." The last few days have been hard. For a variety of reasons. However, EVERYONE who's in the know tells me it will get better.
Here's a little wisdom from Swami Dhyan Giten, a quote that I copied from Karen Wiggins at the MS library. (Don't even get me started on how much I miss everyone at school...sniff again....)
Life is our teacher. Life communicates with us all the time and it is a lesson to see how life continually has led me to the people I need to meet, to the situations I need to experience, and to the places I need to be. There has never been any real reason to worry since all small individual rivers are already on their way to the ocean, to the Whole. It is not about swimming, it is about relaxing and to float with the river in a basic trust that life already leads towards the sea of consciousness, towards the Whole.
I think when I asked Karen if I could have a copy of that, I was aware it would come in handy in times of stress. The time is now. Relax, float, and trust. Easier said than done.
next time: Our Tokyo karaoke experience. I promise.
Cheers to all,
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