Everyone I know in Japan has a banking story...here's Robin's.

Just received this from my husband who is getting ready to return home this week from Japan.

I have a funny banking story, sort of. I went to close my account at Shinsei today, at the Shinjuku branch, where I opened my account. I was successful, so if you don't want to wade through this story, no worries, you can stop here. I arrived at the bank, and was asked by the bank guard to stand in a queue of one (me) at the reception counter. A teller/receptionist behind the counter welcomed me and asked how she could help. I told her that I was repatriating to the US on Thursday, and told her I wanted to close my account.

Now here's a little side-story for context. I took the train up to Shinjuku on Saturday, thinking that if the bank was open, I'd pop in and close my account, and then hop over to Tokyu Hands to get the wall dope for the picture holes. Shinsei bank was, indeed, open on Saturday, and I was greeted by the guard, and asked to stand in a queue (of one), while a teller/receptionist was located. The teller greeted me, and I told her I wanted to close my account. No problem, she said, what is the name and branch of your other bank in Japan? I told her I didn't have one, that I was moving back to the US, and things went South in a hurry. She couldn't close the account on Saturday, because she couldn't dispense cash on Saturday. Apparently there isn't a manager on duty to check her work on Saturday, so could I please come back during the week? Sure, I said. Then I asked if I could exchange some coins or deposit them in the account, and I produced a container of about 4kg of yen coins of different value. She said sorry, that branch couldn't do cash transactions on Saturday, so I needed to come back during the week. I thanked her and left, lugging the coins on the subsequent errands, back to the house in Yoyogi-uehara while I patched the wall holes, then back to the hotel in Akasaka.

So I showed up today (Tuesday) at the bank, ready to deposit my coins and close my account. When I told the receptionist today what I wanted to do, and showed her the coins, her face screwed up in that "oh, it will be very difficult" expression, and she told me that they could only deposit 20 coins into my account, and that I should please have a seat while she consulted with her manager. She gave me a slip of paper with a number on it ("Now Serving. . ."), and I took a chair; she disappeared into the back. A few minutes later she came out and told me that I could deposit 50 coins into my account, but that they couldn't take the whole container - they had no way to count that many coins! Gomennasai! I said, ok, how about we just close the account, and I'll figure out how to take care of the coins on my own? You would have thought I just saved her from the firing squad! Her face lit up, she gave me a form to fill out with my name, account number, and how I wanted the funds in my account disbursed. A few seconds after I was done filling out the form, my "Now Serving. . ." number came up on a screen near the teller desk, and I went over and handed her my form. She also asked for my cash card and my alien registration card, and confirmed that I wanted to close my account. This happened to be the same teller I met on Saturday. She confirmed that I wanted the funds disbursed to cash (7784 yen), took my number slip, and gave me a plastic chit with a different number on it. She asked me to have a seat, then she did all the data entry on the computer, checked and double checked, then had her manager come and look at the transaction. So far, other than being tedious (and not knowing what to do with the coins), no big deal. When she and her manager finishing checking things over, she calls out my number (I'm sitting right in front of her), and I approach her teller desk, she presented me with 784 yen (yay, more coins!) in a tray, and shows me that she has mutilated my cash card for security (just cut a slice part way through it, destroying the mag strip on the back). She asks me to follow her over to an ATM, with the coins, and a piece of paper that looks like a receipt for the money being withdrawn from my account. She then puts her special teller's card in the ATM, asks me to verify that it now has exactly 7000 yen in the account, then proceeds to punch in a withdrawal for 7000 yen at the ATM. When the ATM presents the money, she asks me to take it, count it, and sign the receipt. Whew! Account closed! But I've still got 4kg of coins, plus the 784 yen that she just gave me. No problem, express contrite appreciation, bow a couple of times, and leave.

I walk immediately to my left outside the bank, and next door is a Mitsubishi UFJ bank, so I decide, what the heck, I wonder if they have a coin counting machine? I walk in, show the first guy in a bank jacket my container of coins, and he asks if I have a cash card with their bank. I tell him no, I don't have any bank accounts in Japan. He says I'll have to pay a fee, and I say "OK!" He leads me down an escalator to the basement floor, explains to another guy that I want to turn in some coins, but that I don't have a cash card, and they lead me to a normal-looking forms desk, like you'd see at a bank in the US. He shows me the right form, tells me where to put my name and phone number, then explains that they're going to charge me a fee, depending on how much change there is. I tell him fine, I just want to get rid of the coins. Both of these guys speak pretty good English (better than anybody as Shinsei I've ever met), and are really helpful. I take the form and the coins up to a teller window, the second guy asks the teller to get a basket out, and he has me dump the coins into the basket. The teller gives me another chit with a number on it, and asks me to have a seat. I watch as she goes back to the coin counting machine, dumps the coins in, the machine does its thing, and she comes back and calls my number and motions me back to the teller window. She's got bills, and just a couple of coins, has me sign a receipt, and I'm out of there in something like 7 minutes. Something tells me we were using the wrong bank for 2+ years. Oh, well.

Tomorrow, I close my SoftBank account. I'm sure that will be another adventure, because Kirby dropped his iPhone in the ocean in Hawaii and fried it - I'm going to give him mine, and see if SoftBank will switch his SIM card and put it into my phone, which I was going to discard. It's almost a game - messing with the processes over here is really disruptive, and usually quite humorous (for the gaijin, anyway).