On Sudden Death

I am stunned. My friends, colleagues and many students from Trumansburg Schools are stunned at the untimely death of Matt McLennan, a jovial guy who wore many hats; athlete, friend, colleague, teacher, coach, father, and husband. I was really impressed by the line of people at calling hours today. There were many, many special education students and their parents in that line. Indeed a moving and powerful tribute to Matt's positive impact on the kids he taught and empowered. A young woman I encountered at the local grocery store asked how she could help with the memorial service tomorrow (she thinks I still work at school) and then proceeded to tell me how Matt McLennan saved her life; helped her to believe in herself, gave her confidence and the power to succeed. The reaches of that kind of impact are hard to imagine. Will she make smarter life decisions? Will she be a better parent when the time arises? These are the far reaching consequences of having had a caring mentor/cheerleader/teacher who makes one believe in oneself. Way to GO, Mr. McLennan! Well done. This is your legacy. Or one of them, for I suspect there are many, by the looks of the line going into the funeral home this afternoon.

We live our lives in happy denial about death during long phases of our lives. I suspect the McLennans were in that phase: young, healthy, their own parents around and vital, small children.... We don't often contemplate death or loss, if we are lucky enough to live a healthy life and surround ourselves with healthy folk. But unfortunately it's there, sometimes lurking in a seemingly random, completely unfair and inexplicable way. As my husband likes to say, "Nobody makes it out alive!"

My friend Cathryn who recently received a donor heart and has been given the ultimate gift of new life was feeling terrible survival guilt on the day she heard the news of Matt and another person's death. The other person was a heart recipient who wasn't as lucky as she. This child died. I reminded her that survival guilt is pointless, that
there seems to be an unexplainable randomness in the universe, a cold-hearted and arbitrary nature that snatches away really good people before (what we think is) their time. I am reminded of the people in my life: Deborah, Emily, Sally, Xeno, Paul, Therese, Collin, and now Matt, all taken away too soon. I don't like memorial services. I've been to too many recently.

What, if anything, is the message from all this crazy random and heartbreaking loss? I don't pretend to know the answer for you. I do know, for myself, that when this happens, it reminds me that every day is a gift, every child needs to be loved, everyone I love needs to be be told that- at regular and frequent intervals. I need to be mindful of how I spend my days, how I view my life, how I treat others. I need to be more generous, with myself and with others. I think Matt had a blessed life. He was luckier than some. A happy childhood, a successful athletic, scholastic and teaching career, vibrant social life and a wonderful family and homestead. He will be missed by many dear friends and especially his wife Angela and his
family.

Life each day as if it were your last. Because it just might be.

Rest in Peace Matt McLennan. I wish I had known you better.

All's well that ends well.

Geothermal is cool and refreshing or warm and snuggly, depending on the season. The week we got it all hooked up and finally working, we were in that mid-July 90's heat wave that lasted about a week. I had been at a singer's workshop, and came home to a cool house. Heaven!

Then we had several months of lovely weather, when the system would turn on occasionally, but mostly I had it turned off with the windows open, enjoying being as close as possible to the outdoors.

Now It's the end of October, we've had some really chilly nights, the leaves are almost gone and the heat inside is wonderful. It comes on quietly, blows slightly warmer air than what's in the room but manages to keep things at an even 67 degrees. The conventional forced air heat we had in our first house blasted really hot air at intervals between freezing air settling along the floor and in the corners. It was also very dusty and musty because the intake was in the basement. In recent years, we had so many leaky pipes and problems with our old noisy furnace that every time it came roaring to life, there was a little piece of my mind that talked to it saying, "Hope you don't blow up, hope there's not another leaky pipe, or standing water in the basement, or oil ...." It was a constant cause of stress. I avoided going into the basement because I was afraid of what I would find. NOW when I hear the hum of the new system and feel its gently warming air, I feel a sense of relief and comfort. It's kinda like getting a hug. A lovely, warm, green, gentle, and reliable hug from a cool (hot) new friend.

We received an electric bill for the month of September and it was really low. The system didn't run that much then, but that was the first month we lived here without 2 sons. We were stunned. Then we did a happy dance. In December, we'll have a better idea how much it will cost us to run it, but our friendly installers told us it would be about 100 bucks a month.

Here's a little before/after fun:

York Custom CC Tuba for sale

Almost there...

Tim, my brother-in-law came by earlier today to check out the progress and as he looked into the hole in the wall, said, "It looks like the set designers from Dr. Who were here." It does kinda look like the Daleks have infiltrated our walls.

Then there's the mess in the yard...I know it will go away and in a year it will all be green again and we'll be mowing EVEN more area than we did this year, but.....just look how pretty it was just 10 days ago!

And now we have a moonscape. The dogs love it. I actually saw Wilson hiding behind a mound of dirt today waiting to ambush Gracie. They have LOVED all this dirt to play in. Dogs are just like little boys that way. I can't speak for little girls, since I didn't have any.

Today Robin spent the day getting some of the dry wall up in the downstairs hallway and preparing the hole upstairs to be covered. We call it "peeling the onion," around here whenever we have to do something in this old house that requires opening something up and figuring out how to put it back together. Upstairs? Dealing with lath and plaster and trying to make the new patch look okay. All the walls need painting now. There are some dings and lots of grubby finger prints all over. If I am unemployed this Fall, I will certainly have lots to keep me busy, that's for sure.

Tonight's reward? We burned our huge pile of brush and I made Robin a nice cold lime aid, tequila and tonic to drink while we were eaten alive by mosquitoes.

Sooo much has happened!

Pipes gone, chimney gone, vents on the main floor in. Mark and side-kick Bill have been making all sorts of riotous noise in the basement. They had to remove the old yucky particle board ceiling which they told me was full of mouse poop. Luckily they did that the day BEFORE the dumpster left. The basement has never looked cleaner. There are no cobwebs. Pretty amazing really, since our 120 year old basement was the center of the cobweb universe. They are moving floor supports around to make room for the duct work. The duct work looks not at all as I expected it to. It is insulated flexible fiberglass. There is a lot of banging, drilling, sawing and hammering inside the house, while outside there is the constant drone and beeping of the backhoe. Robin is mastering the backhoe. They've completed 2 trenches- each 120 feet long, 5 feel deep and 3 feet wide, filled with a lattice work of pipe, and then carefully back filled. He cut through the invisible fence this morning, but managed to find the break and repair it. Lap is out there (for hours now) directing the bucket, because Robin can't see what he's doing.

But I get ahead of myself. Check out the pictures to see the process of trenching, and piping, and our hard-working guys: camera-shy Mark and smiling Bill.

Um...OMG

Today is the first day that GeoTherm is here to start work on the project. We spent a good deal of the morning walking through rooms, with tape measures, looking at either chimney location to determine the best pathway for ducts from the basement to the attic. We chit-chatted and it all seemed so...light and airy. Innocuous, really. I discussed the pros and cons of which chimney to demolish with Mark and side-kick, and we even called Robin to chat about it. It was decided that the brick chimney would go, because we had already removed a portion of it from the attic a few years back (awful job) so taking it all the way down wouldn't require a roof patch. Plans were made, I called and ordered a dumpster and merrily went to Ithaca to meet a new friend for lunch. We had a great time and I think I have a kindred spirit in Kathy who lived in Japan.

Upon my approach to the house a few hours later I spy Bob's truck, Lap's car (uh oh) and the GeoTherm guys all parked in the driveway. As I parked, Lap was coming out of the basement with a bucket of bricks and other debris and dumping it IN THE DRIVEWAY. Really guys? BEFORE the dumpster arrives? Upon some deliberation, it was decided (and I strongly concurred) that the demolition of the chimney would wait until tomorrow, and that gaining access to the walls wherein the chimney lies would be a better idea. (Lap's idea) To give Lap some credit...he is the one who suggested plastic to contain some downstairs dust, and also to remove pictures hanging on the stair wall. My dear brother-in-law Lap is not a bull-in-the-china-shop kinda guy like my husband often is in these situations. Glad he's on board.

Then immediately they started punching holes through walls. Upstairs there is lath and plaster, and as they were wrecking, I was rolling up rugs, putting away pictures, and covering things with sheets. I couldn't move fast enough. Good thing I got home when I did. This is going to be MUCH messier and destructive than I had bargained for.

The oil burning steam furnace left the house this morning, and after I was helping them figure out where the duct work was going to go, and they were talking in the basement, I almost asked them if they had ever encountered a house they COULDN'T retro-fit, as I felt a mild panic in my gut.

This is a stunning opportunity for growth for me, an exercise in letting go and enjoying dirt, chaos, noise and a disruption of the sanctuary that is my home and personal space. Let the games begin.

Day 2: Radical Rainy Radiator Removal

This afternoon my big strong guys managed to remove some pretty beefy radiators from all rooms in the house. I would personally like to thank Jay Bartishevich for coming over to lend a hand, shoulder, back and legs to help move most of them out. (I offered him some ibuprofen before he left and he passed on it.) It was great to see him. Robin and Matt were in the basement mostly, cutting through the horizontal pipes, and when they were done, pipes were carried out and set in the yard.

We are at the point where we need to figure out what to do with all this discarded cast iron. It's looking like either A) donate to a Re-Use center or B) sell for scrap. The going rate is about $215.00 per ton. Ask Nate and Jay how much they think they carried out and I'd say we should be getting a gajillion dollars for all of it.

Between the pipes, the radiators, the discarded old coal stove from 2 years ago, and the cast iron tub we found buried in some overgrown shrub, we have a pretty good haul. All in time for Mark and Dan the Man to start their work on Monday.

I'm hoping we can strategically place the heating/cooling vents over the places where there are now ugly holes through the floor and burn marks where the feet of the radiators stood. Otherwise, we'll have to do some patching and repairing. Also uncovered were places on the wall behind the radiators where my paintbrush couldn't reach. Ugly! Time to break out the paint brushes.

Going Geothermal: an adventure

Last winter, Robin started helping with fuel oil bills. I had always taken care of them and had paid them off slowly and usually finished paying in early summer. I figured the local supplier knew where I lived (duh), knew how to contact me and knew I was good for it. Not so Robin. He likes to pay everything off each month, a luxury, as a teacher, I just don't or can't have. So...this winter was a huge eye-opening experience for hubby as we paid for and heated our 1890's farm house with a steam boiler, 1 zone, old radiator style system. Clang, bang, rattly-hiss.



He started making noise about about geothermal systems last fall, and at first I was skeptical, and not willing to go further into debt on the house. Just a couple years ago we insulated, put on a new roof, replaced windows and doors and really tightened the place up. Still paying THAT off, thank you very much. But the more we talked and looked at the tax incentives and the savings over time, not to mention the environmental impact (He sez it's the equivalent of taking 2 cars off the road, I see it more as taking one giant old farm house off oil and coal)we've decided to go for it. We are poised and ready to go.



I've decided since this is probably the most interesting thing that has been going on since I changed jobs and got to be a professor this past year (sorry, didn't blog about it...was too busy and stressed) that I will chronicle this process for anyone who is sleepless enough and bored enough to actually read my blog. Plus I'm getting in touch with my inner hippie these days. Planting a garden, composting, joining a CSA, riding a bike, taking yoga classes, eating kale and now gleefully discarding our oil and coal furnaces for something much much greener....this all makes me feel pretty happy.



First step: un-plumbing the existing infrastructure of steam pipes and radiators. A huge job, and we may not be able to get everything out by Monday when they want to officially start. That's okay. The Geotherm guys (Mark and Phil?) will also do whatever needs to be done. Robin cut through the first pipe this morning and I held a corner piece as he finished cutting. The pipe fell away. He looked at me and grinned and said "Well...we're committed!" He has since left to run to Lowes to get more saw blades. Cutting 40 year old pipes is rough on the blades apparently.



And so it begins.

What I've learned...

In the past year and half, I've learned many lessons. Most of them hard lessons, in fact. The good thing is that I'm still learning, and still discovering what makes me tick. (or crazy) Lately, I've been learning that: Seasonal Affective Disorder is real, and I've got it, thanks to the dismal winter this year in Upstate NY. I am sitting under a Happy Light as I type. Choices once made, must be lived with. Dogs are a blessing and a curse. Depends on the season. When attempting to move on and leave the past behind, it is best to not walk back into the past once a week. I liken it to picking a familiar scab. Sometimes it's okay to want to be left alone. Sometimes it's not. Driving home from Boston alone is a huge drag, and causes the hips to cramp. The people you spend most of your time with during the day become like a family. Unless they don't. Be careful who you trust. When times get tough the trustworthy ones will be revealed to you. On some days, my happiest thoughts are of my sons! :-) I am looking for something, and I'm not sure what it is. Treasure those you love and don't take one day for granted. It can all change in a nano-second. Without my female friends, I would be completely lost. Turning 50 is liberating. I honestly say what I think (when it's smart to). I'm trying to get better at knowing the difference between when it's smart and when it's not. I miss the smell of lavender and a fresh ripe tomato. A person can be shaken to their core, and still remain standing. That person will be changed, however. The sound of water lapping gently at the shore and fills me with a sense of peace. I must seek out water on a regular basis! What have YOU learned lately? About yourself? About the world?