It is a time to reflect on the special attributes of our Mothers and why we love them so, and to say thank you. It is natural to think about our own Moms and memories of their loving kindness and good humor when they were bringing us up. Everyone probably has a funny story to tell about their mom, or a wonderful memory to hold onto. One of my favorite Mom memories is the fact that every April Fools day, Barb would fool us into jumping out of bed earlier than we had planned. She would sound ever so urgent as she would call up the stairs to us, '"Kids! there's a deer with 2 fawns on the hill!!" or some other thing that we would want to see. So we'd all jump out of bed and hear her laugh. The crazy thing is, she got us with this year after year. I think we really trusted her. If she had been a prankster all the time, she never would have gotten us so well. Here's my problem...I have been pulling my kids' legs for so long, they don't believe a word I say. Another time I remember talking to my Mom on the phone about some trouble or other I was having with the guys when they were pre-schoolers. She listened so patiently and then said, "Little children, little problems." Frankly, I was taken aback by her remark. How could she have been so dismissive and unsympathetic?
How could she have been so wise?
Which brings us to THIS side of the fence, and the fact that it is also the time to reflect on the whole package deal of Motherhood. The fine print of the "contract" we signed when we decided to begin our families. Honestly. Mothers, we had NO IDEA what signing this contract really meant. If prospective mothers everywhere had complete knowledge of the comprehensive job description of "mother," there would be fewer of us on the planet. Plus, it's one of nature's cruel tricks that in most cases, the process to get in the motherly way is so fun and easy, that any joker equipped with working parts can do it. But here's the cruelest punchline: Just because a person is "equipped," doesn't mean they are equipped to be parents. With it's unfathomable rewards comes it's challenges. Parental work is hard, thankless and sometimes smelly. You are on call 24/7, you must be patient, unwavering, responsible and accountable and sometimes the bad guy. That many parents are not up to the task is tragically evident in most any school you might find yourself in. USA or anywhere.
Luckily for most of the kids I know, their Moms are great, and luckily for me and my family, our Mom was super. My friends are all solid moms, but I think we would all agree that we are not perfect. Being a good mother and making mistakes go hand-in-hand, in my opinion. Kind of like being human. I think back over the years when I have been so busy with work that my kids and husband took a backseat sometimes. It really bugged me that I missed seeing Chris on the way to his prom, because I was taking a group to Dorney Park for a music contest. I was gone the entire day. Only saw pictures. So guess what?? This year, I am going to be missing Nathan's prom and the opportunity to take pictures, because I will be stuck in the Shinjuku Sunmall theatre all day playing for 2 performances of FORUM on the 17th. Sigh. Do these little transgressions add up over the years and is someone somewhere keeping score? I hope not, or I'll be in big trouble.
When I feel badly about being busy over the years, I think about this: it was really important that I was there when they were very small and still looked up at me with big adoring eyes. I had the time to make fancy birthday cakes, to play in the sandbox and the wading pool, to potty train and take on outings, to find little bugs in the grass, to be there when they woke up from naps, to finger paint with them and hold my tiny boys in my arms while we danced around the house to Earth Wind and Fire. Now they tell me that I embarrass them, that they'd prefer it if I wasn't at school, or please mom don't say anything. Touching them is right out. Ouch. Sometimes I long for those big adoring eyes days. Their little hands in mine, the sweaty little boy heads asleep on my shoulder, the countless bedtime stories and Sesame Street. It was messy wonderful fun, those days.
Don't get me wrong, we still have fun. Sometimes we laugh so hard it hurts. This year in Japan has been a hard one though. Lots of ups and downs. However, I take great pride in the glimpses of the young men they are becoming, and hope beyond hope that they will someday cease to vilify me. I will take the good with the bad, as I hope they do, and see me as a mother who works hard, tries her best, values independence, has a passion for family, music, and people of all ages, and tries to balance it all, and in so trying, makes mistakes. Maybe someday they will seek out my thoughts, or ask advice and not look at me as if I were the village idiot every time I open my mouth. (It's a good thing humans don't eat their young. No one would make it past the teen years.) I hear it from other parents that having grown ups for kids is a total blast, and they love it. I would never wish time away, but it does sound nice. So for now I'll rejoice in the little things. The occasional hugs, the delightful humorous banter, their teasing, the time to make them breakfast in the morning, getting skype calls out of the blue from Chris. That's good stuff.
Happy Mother's Day Mom! You are the BEST. I love you! Thanks for everything.
